FF7: Barret vs The Burger King Guy 1: First Bout
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! The first episode of the Barret vs. The Burger King Guy trilogy. Barret pisses off the Burger King mascot, who gets revenge by giving Barret a run for his money in one hectic night. Contains language and violence aplenty!


**Story**: Barret vs. The Burger King Guy 1: First Bout  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: February 3rd, 2007  
**Genre**: Action/Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language, violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own FF7, Square-Enix, or The Burger King chains whatsoever.

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**One Shot: Barret vs. The Burger King Guy 1: First Bout**

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Barret decided to take a trip from Midgar and travel to a nearby city to have lunch at Burger King. When he arrives, he steps up to the counter and looked around for the nearest worker so he could order.

"**Hey! I want some service!" **Barret yelled out, pounding his fists on the counter, bashing a gigantic hole in the middle.

As soon as he did, the restaurant's mascot: The King, dressed in red robes, a crown, and sporting a creepy happy-like frozen expression slowly rises up from behind the counter.

"**About damn time! I want a Whopper Meal with a large Coca Cola!"** Barret said, slapping some money on the counter.

The King took the money and handed Barret his tray of food. Barret went and sat down in the eating area and began munching his burger. His eyes flew open as he spits it out.

"**What the hell is this? I didn't order no damn BK Big-Fish!"**

Barret then took a chug of his drink, in which he spat out as well.

"**They gave me a warm-ass Coca-Cola! That does it!"**

Barret gets up and stomps over to the counter with his food. He stops in front of the King and slams the entire tray of food in his face, then snatches his money back.

"**Worse !&#$ service ever! I'm outta here!"** he yells, storming out of the building.

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**Later That Night...**

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Barret gets home from blowing up another Mako Factory and sets his stuff down on the couch.

"**Damn I'm starving! I'll just have to get somethin' to eat tomorrow morning,"** said a tired Barret, yawning.

With that said, Barret drags himself upstairs to his bedroom and takes off his work clothes and slips under the covers. He turns out his lamp and begins getting comfortable.

That's when he heard breathing close by his side.

"**The hell?"** Barret said as he flicked his lamp back on and sat up in his bed. He turned and saw a large lump lying underneath the covers next to him.

He throws the covers away and screams. It was the Burger 'King', lying down facing him while holding a double bladed axe.

"**Son of a bitch!"** Barret yelled, jumping out of the bed. He readies his gun-arm and begins firing at the 'King'. The 'King' leaps out of the bed and rolls on the ground, turning to Barret and throwing the axe at him, almost hitting Barret in the crotch. The 'King' then makes a break for it down the hallway.

"**You ain't getting away from me, burger-bastard!"** Barret yells as he runs out toward the hallway as well.

"**Where did he go?"** he says, looking around for any signs of the 'King'. He takes a step forward and trips over a rope suspended across the floor.

"**Huh?"** Barret says, looking up to witness a huge-ass log tied to a rope swinging down toward him. Barret gets up and jumps out of the just in time as the log crashes into the wall where his bedroom is, destroying it completely.

"**That bastard's dead!"** yelled an enraged Barret. He runs toward the railing overlooking his stairs and sees the shadow of the 'King' moving about below him.

"**I gotcha now!"** Barret says grinning, pulling out a grenade from his pocket and throwing it over the railing below.

Just as soon as he threw it, the grenade was thrown back at him

"**$#&!"** Barret yells, getting out of the way. The grenade explodes, destroying his entire second floor of his house.

Barret got up from beneath the wreckage and saw the 'King' trying to sneak out the door.

"**Oh no you don't!"** Barret shouted, charging out of the wreckage and tackling the 'King' before he could escape.

The two then started to brawl, with Barret throwing punches left and right, while the 'King' tried countering by swinging sharp, hot, pointy French fries at him. Barret eventually got the upper hand and trashed the 'King', followed by throwing him in a large dumpster and kicking it down the street.

"**What he hell did I do to deserve this?"** Barret yells out, looking at his half-destroyed home.

He sighed and re-entered his messed up house and slept through the rest of the night.

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**The Next Morning... **

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Barret wakes up bright and early to see the light shining through the curtains. As he rubbed his eyes, he noticed the shadow of someone walk in front of his window.

"**That Burger King bastard is back again?"** Barret grumbles, as he gets up and reloads his gun arm. Slowly approaching the window, he flings open the curtains and prepares to fire, but stops to see someone else standing there instead.

"**Cloud? What the !$&# you doin' in front of my window?"** he said angrily.

"**Just thought I take a short-cut through the side of your house while going to Tifa's..."** Cloud says, scratching his head. **"By the way, what happened to your house?"**

"**Nothing happened, now go away!"** Barret yells at the spiky-haired blond. Cloud shrugged and was on his way.

Barret shuts the curtains and wipes his brow.

"**What a crazy-ass night. Well, off to work,"** he says, before seeing another shadow of someone walk outside in front of his window.

"**Cloud! I thought I told you to hit the road!"** Barret says angrily, flinging the curtain open again.

"**Oh shit…"** Barret says, as he was face to face with the 'King', who stood outside his window smiling evilly while holding a rocket launcher.

Barret grabs another grenade and throws it while the 'King' fires his rocket.

A large explosion blanketed the area as thick smoke erupted from the two's attacks.

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**What happened to the two from that point on?** **No one know. Is this the end? Please Review!  
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**And read the second part of the trilogy: ****Barret vs The Burger King Guy 2: Second Bout, **** already up!**


End file.
